Catholic Questions - Forgiveness

A drunk driver killed my cousin. How am I supposed to forgive him?

First of all, I am so sorry for your family's heartache. The death of your cousin is such a senseless loss. You asked how you were supposed to forgive the drunk driver that killed your cousin. First, please know that to forgive does not mean to act like no wrong was done. That someone would drive while drunk is wrong. But you are wise to work on forgiving or else you let that drunk driver claim another victim: you. When we carry a grudge, something in us dies. To not forgive is like drinking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die. Maybe the rat suffers in some way, maybe not. But certainly we will. We might think that it will be easier if we get revenge first. It will not. There is no life in revenge. For most of us, forgiveness is a three-step process. First, we freely choose to forgive and to let go of our desire for revenge. Second, we ask God to help us let it go. Third, because the anger and the hurt will come back, we do steps one and two again and again. It is such important work. Forgiveness is at the heart of the Gospel...and the heart of a truly holy and happy life. You and your family will be in my heart and prayers.